me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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