Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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