Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
