Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
