I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
