Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
