there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
