We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A bitchslap is in order.
I think my moral compass just broke
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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