how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
