Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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