You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I die, sorry about rent.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
