We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
