I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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