Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
