So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
