I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
