I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
