There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
