Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
