Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
this is an emotional support booty call
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
