well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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