Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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