I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize