it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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