dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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