I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sober January is a disaster.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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