Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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