If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
