I cockslap morals
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The Olympian is in my bed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
