I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
