She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
