All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
