He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
