tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
