I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dick very happy bro
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
