You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
