Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
