so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He has the fingertips of a God
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