East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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