im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
