look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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