im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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