You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize