I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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