I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
