I think scott just propositioned me for sex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
