Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
