It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
