Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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