So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
