it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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