Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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