I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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