i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
