Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The feeling are messing with the penis
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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