I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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