why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
