she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
