her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
