Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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