Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
