she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
