i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
